Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Tension continues.

No number of hot showers can relieve the pain my lower back. And apparently no amount of rubbing can get rid of the knot just above my right shoulder blade. That's because I'm stressed and the only way I can relieve my back pain is to relieve my stress...and that's the path my life is taking me down right now. Where to start when there's so much to do?

First, my car. I got a 1997 VW Golf when I was 17. I've loved the little 5-speed VW ever since, but it's been nothing but a problem. The speedometer doesn't work most of the time, meaning the odometer doesn't work either. I just replaced the starter 2 weeks ago (and twice before since buying the car) and the starter went bad the next day. I replaced the starter today and it went bad within a few hours. I replaced the battery and alternator 2 weeks ago. Last year, the entire back wheel, brake, everything fell off while I was going 70 on the highway. The list goes on, but I'm just trying to get the car to South Bend so I can sell it. But I can't even do that right now. I had to get it towed today.

Second, school. I've had quite a rocky college career, but I'm attempting to be rid of all distractions by this next semester so I can work toward getting done with a degree and maybe getting a job worth working. But I have to jump through hoops because distractions in the past have led me to put school last on my list of priorities, leaving me with poor grades. Meetings with my advisor later, I've handed in my appeal to the Financial Aide office and I await their decision to grant me aid or not.

Third, money. I'm working a normal amount right now...not too much, but I can't seem to catch up financially. As soon as I have a tiny surplus of money something comes up that causes me to be back in the poor boat. I've taken more hours for the holiday season to save money for my trip to Germany in late December, but I'm afraid I'll just end up being even more stress since I work on my bicycle and it's about to get real cold.

Last, personal relationships. This last one is a kind of catch-22. The amount of stress I have in my life is affecting my friendships. This is what happened, among other things, when I broke up with Allison. My best friend, who is also my roommate, and I hardly talk because I become irritated when we do...so you can only imagine how I feel when I talk with coworkers and other friends. I'm always frustrated.

So what's a guy to do? I suppose there are a few things.

1. My car is in the shop. It should be taken care of by tomorrow morning, when I'll pack my things for the Thanksgiving holiday and head to South Bend and be RID OF THAT CAR FOREVER. Then I'll be able to take my sister's old car back with me. No more car problems. And if I do have problems...at least it's not a German scheiƟhaufen (pile of shit).

2. I just have to wait for school. Once I get the results of my appeal, I can register for classes and be fine until the first day of class. That I can do nothing about right now.

3. Maybe things will be better monetarily once I have my school loan and don't have to worry about working so much. Having a car I don't have to spend 1000 dollars on a month will help. I should see if there's anything I can do for some quick money. Something legit?

4. I'm trying to weed out the bad friends anyway...maybe this is my chance. I need to just leave some friends behind and spend more time with the ones I care about.

I need to start playing music again. That always helped me through things.

All this will help, but my attitude needs to change. I'm an unhappy and judgmental person right now. I've always been a firm believer that you can change your attitude just by saying it's different, but in the past couple years I haven't been able to do so. I'm trying but it's hard to do alone.

So God, if you read this, check your voicemail, I've been calling for years.

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